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2009 Stand Off

2009 Stand Off
Originally uploaded by mikana_shadow

The 2nd introduction since the big fight - this is 2 weeks after the loss of Jasper's brother.

I Want This Guy

Im the guy who will text you every single morning and tell you good morning and every single night to tell you sweet dreams. Im the guy who will hold you when you're crying and wipe away your tears. Im the guy who still thinks you're beautiful with no makeup on, wearing sweats and a big t-shirt. Im the guy who won't pressure you to do things you dont want to. Im the guy who will show up at your house with soup and a movie when you aren't feeling well.

Im the guy who kisses you on the forehead. I'm the guy who'll randomly tickle you just to hear you giggle. Im the guy who doesnt kiss and tell. Im the guy who actually listens to you when you talk. Im the guy who's excited all day because im looking forward to our date that night. Im the guy who is content to just be able to hold you and wants nothing more.

I'm the guy who can't help but smile when you walk into the room. I'm the guy who'll say i love you first because i'm not afraid to say it. Im the guy who's perfectly content with staying in and watching movies and cuddling. Im the guy who won't lie to you about where he's going or where he's been or who he's been with. Im the guy who gets butterflies when he hears your name.

I'm the guy who's not afraid to tell his friends he loves you. Im the guy who doesnt mess with other girls when i have you. Im the guy who doesn't care about your imperfections and loves you more for them. I'm the guy who will hold you while we watch the sunset. I'M THE GUY WHO REALLY WANTS TO MAKE YOU THE HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD.

I AM THIS GUY.... one of many.... who always ends up losing her to the jerks who'll treat her like crap and are "too good of a friend" to date. Girls if this is sweet repost this with the title "I want this guy" Guys if this is you repost this with the title "I'm this guy


My Fines are $425.60

"My Fine Is: "

This is fun to do. Just read the "offense" and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each "offense" and added up your total fine. When you are done, post it in your notes. Change the header to "My fine is $........" You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

1.Smoked pot -- $10
2.Did acid -- $5
3.Ever had sex at church -- $25
4.Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
5.Had sex with someone on Facebook -- $25
6.Had sex for money -- $100
7.Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican -- $20
8.Vandalized something -- $20
9.Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
10.Beat up someone -- $20
11.Been jumped -- $10
12.Crossed dressed -- $10
13.Given money to stripper -- $25
14,Been in love with a stripper -- $20
15.Kissed someone who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
16.Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
17.Ever drive drunk -- $20
18.Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
19.Used toys while having sex -- $30
20.Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
21.Went skinny dipping -- $5
22.Had sex in a pool -- $20
23.Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
24.Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
25.Cheated on your significant other -- $10+
26.Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend-- $20
27.Masturbated -- $10
28.Done oral -- $5
29.Got oral -- $5
30.Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
31.Stole something -- $10
32.Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
33.Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
34.Made a nasty home video -- $15
35.Had a threesome -- $50
36.Had sex in the wild -- $20
37.Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
38.Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
39.Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
40.Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
41.Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
42.Went streaking -- $5
43.Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
44.Been arrested -- $5
45.Spent time in jail -- $15
46.Peed in the pool -- $0.50
47.Played spin the bottle -- $5
48.Done something you regret --$20
49.Had sex with your best friend -- $20
50.Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
51.Had anal sex -- $80
52.Lied to your mate -- $5
53.Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

Tally it up and Title it..."My Fine Is: $..... " Then post

quiet night with no JJ

"If today was perfect there would be no need for tomorrow."

So my son went back to his dad's yesterday afternoon...his dad decided he could take him after all...only 2 days late. Never mind having him the extra couple days - but JJ loves his nan so dearly, he doesnt like to leave her side, so naturally he wears her out, her patience gets thin. Must admit mine has been of late as well, I think the sleepless nights are catching up with me.

I actually sent my resume out for a couple local positions yesterday! Oddly enough Im both scared and excited about returning to the work force. Miss the money definitely, but also the lack of time to spend it - some how when you've got less time to do things, you get more done. Quality time I guess...maybe its just the way I work :)

Im so lucky sometimes - I dont even realise it. Even when things seem really down, and no way out - something happens to snap me back out of it. Found a couple new communities thanks to a new friend here on LJ, and they actually seem busy too, unlike some communities where no one posts to anymore. Wish they had a browsing section though, rather than having to look by a word typed into the search engine. Its like you are limited by your imagination. So I guess it has both its good and bad points.

So its 9am on saturday, and I still havnt slept. Going to get more serious about losing weight again - I cant believe i put on everything I lost last year, knew my ex was bad for me - and my hips it seems. Going to stop being so mean to myself, give myself a break (mentally speaking) and maybe then I wont be so mean to myself, or to the ones I love, theres so few of them after all.

So Life goes on...

I have spread my dreams beneath your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
W.B. Yeats

So my world get turned upside down, and yet life proceeds with or without me. Im dumped beneath the waves, and not sure which was is up, but thats when you are suppose to stop and be still, and you will start to rise up naturally, then you know which direction to swim. Atleast this is what Im telling myself, I need time to recooperate, learn to trust myself again before I try to trust anyone else. Ive found out things since he left, and it seems I never really knew him at all. I still dont understand how he could be with someone else and then come back to me as though nothing had happened at all. I have spoken to one of his many, and now I dont know if he was ever true to me. I had wanted him to go, had asked him more than once to leave, but to be betrayed like this actually hurts.

Im not sure how to rebuild my life, but I need to do something, and I dont believe jumping back in the waters of dating are the way to go. Ive had offers come out of the woodwork, which surprised me. But I dont believe any of them are true, just after sex, and Ive had enough of that, I want someone who wont just fight with me, but will fight for me. Who'll be beside me through thick and thin. I want someone I can believe in...but perhaps I need to believe in myself first, be the person I want to be.


He Walked Out

So my live-in partner went to the shops a few days back - and just never came back! At first i didnt really believe I could be that lucky (we didnt get on well) but now Im scared he'll actually return. I started to go through his things tho, he left clothes and paper work behind, and have found out he lied to me more than once, and ALL his things are in hock, including his mobile phone which is on a 2 year contract. Been told now he went to adelaide. 

Been getting calls last couple days and found out he's hugely in debt, but I dont see how running away will help, it'll still effect his credit rating. How can GROWN men think they can just run away from their problems. He never gave any clue that he was thinking bout leaving - in fact I'ld asked him to go before and he refused point blank. I believe Im better off alone for awhile, get back on my feet, learn to trust myself first. Concertrate on raising my son, on leading a good life and just remembering who I actually am. I dont believe I could trust a man right now, not after everything else I've been through. I deserve a break.

Problems are like pebbles

 A small problem is like a pebble. Hold it too close to your eye and it fills the whole world and puts everything out of focus.

Hold it at a proper distance and it can be examined and properly classified.

Throw it at your feet and it can be seen in its true setting, just one more tiny bump on the pathway of life.

The next time a problem arises, use your imagination to cast it to the ground as quickly as you can. Then you need only step lightly over it and get on with the business of enjoying life.

May you always remember that problems, no matter how big they might seem, are really no larger than your perspective insists they be.

Be the light...give out of love.



Top 20 Authors

 The Top 20 Favourite Authors have been announced after a costa coffee survey (I think they have coffee shops in some bookshops) and I want you to bold the authors whose work you have read (Not a few lines but properly and not authors whose work has been made into a film you've seen either. You HAVE TO HAVE READ their stuff) and put a line through the ones you haven't heard of.

1. Enid Blyton
2. Roald Dahl
3. JK Rowling
4. Jane Austen
5. William Shakespeare
6. Charles Dickens
7. JRR Tolkien
8 . Agatha Christie
9. Stephen King
10. Beatrix Potter
11. CS Lewis
12. Catherine Cookson
13. Martina Cole
14. Bill Bryson
15. Charlotte Bronte
16. Jacqueline Wilson
17. Oscar Wilde
18. Maeve Binchy
19. Dan Brown
20. Emily Bronte


Aug. 20th, 2008


It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

This quote is good advice, theres so much in life I have missed out on because I let fear rule me, and now I regret it. I wonder what I could have accomplished if I had more confidence in myself, who'd I'ld really be. But then, my current life isnt real bad, im sure there are some people out there who'd actually be jealous. Sad, lonely people, but all the same I have alot to be grateful for too. My son is the main thing, he gives me a reason to be a good person, to strive for more. 

I've decided I need to do something more with my life though, I need some reason to be proud of myself. A course or a job, something to be part of the world again.

Aug. 18th, 2008

My pain is hidden from the world, alone I sit and cry...strangers see someone strong and smart, they do not see the real me. Inside I cry and die, inside I hide.  Why do some people have such deep depression? Why do others fly by with no scratches on their wings?